15 Jul 2008 - AND...
Last Week
I met a new guy on Thursday.. Quite different from the usual. He is a good deal younger than most, really interesting, and has nice fashion sense. Diesel-looking shirt, designer-quality jeans, and fucking cool Pumas. He was really attractive. It kinda messed me up, haha. He was totally fun though and we're meeting up again soon. Yay :)
Oh good god- on Friday I played with J for the second time in one week! A week or so earlier we talked a bit about doing needles (disclaimer- I don't do this with just anyone, he's a special case). So we each brought a few supplies and fucking got into it. I warned him that it was a different headspace, and it was. Kinda weird, but fun, you know, whatever. I enjoyed it and he took some great pictures, but it was way less sexual than normal.. which was kinda disappointing. Don't get me wrong, we had totally fun sex after the needles. It was just not that great of an idea since our meetings are time constrained. AND I left for Chicago today and won't see him for like 2 or 3 weeks! Ugh, that sucks. I've become quite accustomed to hanging out with him once a week. I guess I'll just have to miss the great conversation and rough pounding for a while. But, I do expect some intense play in Chicago with my great friend P and Anna, so you know, whatever.
J started a blog about his sexual misadventures too! I'm so fucking jazzed about this. I wish everyone I play with would write about it too. He's having some hesitations about it though and I totally get that. It's hard to be transparent and honest when you know the people you're writing about are reading it. He may just keep it to himself from now on but we'll see. So far it is really fucking hot t hear about what he's doing when he's not with me. Usually I get kinda weird and jealous, but I'm kinda into it now. I mean, there's still a little of that happening, but he has to hear/ read about my stuff too, so it's kinda only fair. Plus it helps keep those boundaries there. Makes it less "special" I suppose.
I really want constructive criticism and comments after a playdate, but I don't get feedback that often. However, last week I got two rad emails from new play partners that really made me.. proud? I dunno. So, I'm gonna brag a little bit and post them here:
"Hi Patrasha, I had the best time I have had with someone for years. I cannot wait till we do it again.
-J"
AND
"Hey there.
Just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed our time together yesterday. I hope this doesn't seem weird. I make it a practice to write a letter when I've received good service, but "Your concierge was very helpful," doesn't seem as creepy as "You take a dick in the mouth like a champ." Regardless, I really appreciated the way you welcomed me and the clean, well lit space. It helped to assuage my nervousness (though I still had plenty of nerves). The secretary outfit that your wore at my request was exactly what I was envisioning. Also, it was great how present you were during the session. Some girls seem kind of checked out. It's always nice to be with someone who's actually paying attention to you.
Anyway, that's my long winded way of saying thanks for a nice time. I hope this message finds you well.
-R"
:D
Yeah, total confidence boosters! Now, I need to be degraded and put back in place. Ego destruction, please.
New Pictures
I've been checking out I Shot Myself a little lately and have decided it's time for me to start taking more photos. I kinda hate it a lot, same with painting.. I start to make something, with no focus or inspiration really, hate it, destroy it, then salvage what I actually liked and attempt to recreate. It's an awkward process. I've never been that into tangible visual expression. I do much better making statements through my actions. Public play as performance for example. Writing too I guess.. but this a new thing for me really. Anyway, blah blah, this is getting a little too introspective to remain entertaining. Here are just a few pictures I took last week and heavily photoshopped to hide my imperfections:
Currently irritating me
I want to date. I want to sleep in bed with someone. As you can imagine, this is a bit complicated for me. I get all the sex I could ever possibly want- interesting, always changing, exciting... but most of it lacks much more than a temporary connection. I may be exposing some industry secret here.. or just making myself look bad.. but it's true. Yes, there is intimacy in all my play, and there is a temporary love, and a deep appreciation, but real connection is non existent most of the time. I mean, we come from two very different places, different generations even. It's totally intense and raw and fucking intimate, but.. lacking. Honestly though, it's impossible to think that I could get my relationship needs met through play. So I'm craving a relationship with someone my age, with my interests, who can also be accepting of my sexuality. And that's not exactly easy. I did the craigslist thing, with minimal and disappointing results. It's hard meeting people out at a bar or through friends. Here's the issue: I want to be totally honest and upfront about all of me. I don't want to censor my pride or passion for what I do. So, if I tell someone to their face straight off, as kind of a full disclosure thing, they have to deal with that right there in front of me. They don't have time to think about how they feel and respond accordingly. It puts them on the spot. And I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.. especially someone I'm trying to get to know and possibly date. The other option is waiting for a while and telling them once they know me better. I just don't feel right about this though.. It makes the issue seem worth hiding- and it's totally not. Grr. Most of the other people I know who do this are married already, have kids, and are basically past dating. And really, how many people in their 20s do you know that would be cool with this situation? I don't know many : / We'll see though- I'm not giving up hope. I'm in the best city in the world for this.
I went to a showing of "Mix, Match, and Mingle" at Cinekink on Friday night. Before the showing, the curator said a bit about the films.. that they were mainly about swinging and poly relationships and all that. She even said something about the whole show being focused on sex positivity and showing kink in a good light. I mainly went to see Madison Young's new short "Writers and Rockstars" which didn't disappoint. The other films were good too.. light kink, sexy, artful, soft porn kinda stuff. However, I had a major fucking problem with one of the films included in the the showing. "Wash Me Clean" was about a middle aged married couple looking to spice up their sex life. So, they do a little swinging and experimenting with strangers and such. It's all hot- the husband is getting off to seeing his wife with other men (something I'm into.. as the wife, haha). Then, the couple are at another couple's house.. playing some strip poker game that lead to all of them messing around. Well, the husband got kinda weird about it and left without the wife noticing. She came home later and was like "WTF?" He was totally jealous and upset about her fucking around when it wasn't in front of him, even though he chose to leave without talking to her about it. So, they're fighting about it and he flips out and violently rapes her and calls her a whore while she's crying and yelling "No, stop, please!". THE FILM ENDS THIS WAY. Ok, what? Really? No message about kink being healthy or positive or fun. No resolution or remorse on his part.. What is this film saying? That if you experiment things can get weird and maybe you'll get raped by your husband? What the fuck? I was so angry and repulsed by this film. Why was this included in this showing? It was totally inappropriate and upsetting. I'm emailing the curator of the festival today and will post a response.
Also, last night I watched "Young People Fucking". It was alright.. not that interesting at all. However, in one scene a couple is experimenting with strap on play for the first time. This film was so irresponsible in showing anal sex. First off, the girl really pressured the guy into it when he obviously didn't want to. Next, she starts fucking him with very little warm up, and is just slamming away in a really dangerous manner. Now, people can take it pretty rough up the ass, and god bless em for it. But, a first timer can not in most cases and it's totally dangerous to portray anal sex this way. People really injure themselves this way.. I've had a friend in the hospital due to anal play. Most people get their sexual information from pop culture.. be responsible filmmakers, goddamn! But what bothered me most about this scene was that towards the end of the totally ridiculous ass fucking, the guy said "Ok, stop, NO, ok, stop, I'm done" and the girl ignored him and kept going until she came. After, he complained about it and she joked that it must not have been too bad- he came too. OK, what the FUCK? Switch the genders in this scene- it's clearly rape. But no, it's cute and funny when it's the girl who won't stop. This is fucking ridiculous. Men get raped. Why is this ok? Because it was his girlfriend? Because he came? No and fucking NO.
Kink Discrimination
This is taken from a friend's blog:
Happier Things
I went to the Renegade Craft Fair on Saturday. It was wonderful. Good beer, vegan chili, and delicious vegan ice cream! I bought a really nice bandanna with a gay porn screen print, a cute handmade condom case, a money clip made from recycled scrap metal, hand sewn neon panties, a necklace that says "godless", and a bracelet made from recycled bike tube. Awesome!
After the craft fair I met up with some friends for a Bay Area Derby bout. Some of you may know I'm a retired derby girl, and it was just great to see it again.. Definitely made me think about rejoining, but I figure I have enough intensity and (consensual) abuse in my life right now, haha.
When the game was over, we were kinda drunk and headed to a pizza shop. I didn't know one of the girls we were with very well. She seemed pretty vanilla but was accepting enough of me as a sex worker. After a pitcher at the pizza shop the topic of bestiality came up. I could write for days on this one. I'll simplify the hour long conversation: She couldn't understand how I am vegan but ok with bestiality (animal as the top). Huh? Those things go hand in hand to me. I believe animals should have as equal rights as possible. So, I choose not to eat them and to let them fuck what they want, as long as the bottom is cool with it too. If both (human and animal) enjoy it, why is it wrong? Personally, I have never been with an animal other than human but I have no problems with the idea of it. If an animal is humping, I would say that's consent. However, on the issue of animals bottoming.. that's tricky. How can you tell they're into it? I'm not sure. So I'd stay away from that. Basically, I believe bestiality is something that happens a lot but doesn't get talked about enough. Thoughts?
Hot Shit
From Violet Blue and Fleshbot: Prefmag/ toxicboy
Videos
This is kinda old, but still worth watching. The song is great and has been in my head for days.
Kid Sister and Kanye West- Pro Nails
Mmm... Here's one for the fellow emetophiles out there:
Simian Mobile Disco- Hustler
I really like the concept and style of this video. That's all really.
Pharrell, Julian Casablancas, and Santogold- My Drive Thru
No video, just a fucking great song from Santogold- The Creator
So, this is kinda cheesy, but I like it:
"There is a smile of love,
And there is a smile of deceit,
And there is a smile of smiles
In which these two smiles meet"
-W. Blake
I met a new guy on Thursday.. Quite different from the usual. He is a good deal younger than most, really interesting, and has nice fashion sense. Diesel-looking shirt, designer-quality jeans, and fucking cool Pumas. He was really attractive. It kinda messed me up, haha. He was totally fun though and we're meeting up again soon. Yay :)
Oh good god- on Friday I played with J for the second time in one week! A week or so earlier we talked a bit about doing needles (disclaimer- I don't do this with just anyone, he's a special case). So we each brought a few supplies and fucking got into it. I warned him that it was a different headspace, and it was. Kinda weird, but fun, you know, whatever. I enjoyed it and he took some great pictures, but it was way less sexual than normal.. which was kinda disappointing. Don't get me wrong, we had totally fun sex after the needles. It was just not that great of an idea since our meetings are time constrained. AND I left for Chicago today and won't see him for like 2 or 3 weeks! Ugh, that sucks. I've become quite accustomed to hanging out with him once a week. I guess I'll just have to miss the great conversation and rough pounding for a while. But, I do expect some intense play in Chicago with my great friend P and Anna, so you know, whatever.
J started a blog about his sexual misadventures too! I'm so fucking jazzed about this. I wish everyone I play with would write about it too. He's having some hesitations about it though and I totally get that. It's hard to be transparent and honest when you know the people you're writing about are reading it. He may just keep it to himself from now on but we'll see. So far it is really fucking hot t hear about what he's doing when he's not with me. Usually I get kinda weird and jealous, but I'm kinda into it now. I mean, there's still a little of that happening, but he has to hear/ read about my stuff too, so it's kinda only fair. Plus it helps keep those boundaries there. Makes it less "special" I suppose.
I really want constructive criticism and comments after a playdate, but I don't get feedback that often. However, last week I got two rad emails from new play partners that really made me.. proud? I dunno. So, I'm gonna brag a little bit and post them here:
"Hi Patrasha, I had the best time I have had with someone for years. I cannot wait till we do it again.
-J"
AND
"Hey there.
Just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed our time together yesterday. I hope this doesn't seem weird. I make it a practice to write a letter when I've received good service, but "Your concierge was very helpful," doesn't seem as creepy as "You take a dick in the mouth like a champ." Regardless, I really appreciated the way you welcomed me and the clean, well lit space. It helped to assuage my nervousness (though I still had plenty of nerves). The secretary outfit that your wore at my request was exactly what I was envisioning. Also, it was great how present you were during the session. Some girls seem kind of checked out. It's always nice to be with someone who's actually paying attention to you.
Anyway, that's my long winded way of saying thanks for a nice time. I hope this message finds you well.
-R"
:D
Yeah, total confidence boosters! Now, I need to be degraded and put back in place. Ego destruction, please.
New Pictures
I've been checking out I Shot Myself a little lately and have decided it's time for me to start taking more photos. I kinda hate it a lot, same with painting.. I start to make something, with no focus or inspiration really, hate it, destroy it, then salvage what I actually liked and attempt to recreate. It's an awkward process. I've never been that into tangible visual expression. I do much better making statements through my actions. Public play as performance for example. Writing too I guess.. but this a new thing for me really. Anyway, blah blah, this is getting a little too introspective to remain entertaining. Here are just a few pictures I took last week and heavily photoshopped to hide my imperfections:
Currently irritating me
I want to date. I want to sleep in bed with someone. As you can imagine, this is a bit complicated for me. I get all the sex I could ever possibly want- interesting, always changing, exciting... but most of it lacks much more than a temporary connection. I may be exposing some industry secret here.. or just making myself look bad.. but it's true. Yes, there is intimacy in all my play, and there is a temporary love, and a deep appreciation, but real connection is non existent most of the time. I mean, we come from two very different places, different generations even. It's totally intense and raw and fucking intimate, but.. lacking. Honestly though, it's impossible to think that I could get my relationship needs met through play. So I'm craving a relationship with someone my age, with my interests, who can also be accepting of my sexuality. And that's not exactly easy. I did the craigslist thing, with minimal and disappointing results. It's hard meeting people out at a bar or through friends. Here's the issue: I want to be totally honest and upfront about all of me. I don't want to censor my pride or passion for what I do. So, if I tell someone to their face straight off, as kind of a full disclosure thing, they have to deal with that right there in front of me. They don't have time to think about how they feel and respond accordingly. It puts them on the spot. And I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.. especially someone I'm trying to get to know and possibly date. The other option is waiting for a while and telling them once they know me better. I just don't feel right about this though.. It makes the issue seem worth hiding- and it's totally not. Grr. Most of the other people I know who do this are married already, have kids, and are basically past dating. And really, how many people in their 20s do you know that would be cool with this situation? I don't know many : / We'll see though- I'm not giving up hope. I'm in the best city in the world for this.
I went to a showing of "Mix, Match, and Mingle" at Cinekink on Friday night. Before the showing, the curator said a bit about the films.. that they were mainly about swinging and poly relationships and all that. She even said something about the whole show being focused on sex positivity and showing kink in a good light. I mainly went to see Madison Young's new short "Writers and Rockstars" which didn't disappoint. The other films were good too.. light kink, sexy, artful, soft porn kinda stuff. However, I had a major fucking problem with one of the films included in the the showing. "Wash Me Clean" was about a middle aged married couple looking to spice up their sex life. So, they do a little swinging and experimenting with strangers and such. It's all hot- the husband is getting off to seeing his wife with other men (something I'm into.. as the wife, haha). Then, the couple are at another couple's house.. playing some strip poker game that lead to all of them messing around. Well, the husband got kinda weird about it and left without the wife noticing. She came home later and was like "WTF?" He was totally jealous and upset about her fucking around when it wasn't in front of him, even though he chose to leave without talking to her about it. So, they're fighting about it and he flips out and violently rapes her and calls her a whore while she's crying and yelling "No, stop, please!". THE FILM ENDS THIS WAY. Ok, what? Really? No message about kink being healthy or positive or fun. No resolution or remorse on his part.. What is this film saying? That if you experiment things can get weird and maybe you'll get raped by your husband? What the fuck? I was so angry and repulsed by this film. Why was this included in this showing? It was totally inappropriate and upsetting. I'm emailing the curator of the festival today and will post a response.
Also, last night I watched "Young People Fucking". It was alright.. not that interesting at all. However, in one scene a couple is experimenting with strap on play for the first time. This film was so irresponsible in showing anal sex. First off, the girl really pressured the guy into it when he obviously didn't want to. Next, she starts fucking him with very little warm up, and is just slamming away in a really dangerous manner. Now, people can take it pretty rough up the ass, and god bless em for it. But, a first timer can not in most cases and it's totally dangerous to portray anal sex this way. People really injure themselves this way.. I've had a friend in the hospital due to anal play. Most people get their sexual information from pop culture.. be responsible filmmakers, goddamn! But what bothered me most about this scene was that towards the end of the totally ridiculous ass fucking, the guy said "Ok, stop, NO, ok, stop, I'm done" and the girl ignored him and kept going until she came. After, he complained about it and she joked that it must not have been too bad- he came too. OK, what the FUCK? Switch the genders in this scene- it's clearly rape. But no, it's cute and funny when it's the girl who won't stop. This is fucking ridiculous. Men get raped. Why is this ok? Because it was his girlfriend? Because he came? No and fucking NO.
Kink Discrimination
This is taken from a friend's blog:
"Well the adventure began at the airport (Midway) when I had to go through security.
Some of you may remember my new accessory [a locking chain collar]. Well I was sent with the key to give to M for the weekend….but I was told that I was not to use it myself. So obviously that big chain with the heavy metal lock set off the metal detector.
I immediately point out my ‘necklace’ as the culprit and he asks me to remove it.
“What do you mean you can’t take it off?”
“Well, I don’t have the key to this lock”
“That’s a REAL lock?! Step aside”
So I’m taken in the clear glass ‘box’ for a search. Considering the toys and adult paraphernalia that I have in my carry-on, I request a private search. The already irritated TSA woman rolls her eyes and takes me in the back.
“What the hell is that around your neck?”
“A necklace.”
“A necklace that you can’t take off yourself?”
“Correct”
She looks at me like I’m insane
“But someone has the key to it?”
“Yes. But my fiancé isn’t here at the moment”
“You let some man lock up your neck like that?! Your fiancé?”
She looks at my ring
“Well, at least you got that big rock out of the deal”
I’m speechless at this point, and she continues to pat me down and move on to my bags.
“So where is your fiancé?”
“Not here”
“Lady, I’ve seen some fucked up things, but nothing like this.”
Did she really just say that to me? She then opens up my bag and pulls out 2 glass dildos, a pink butt plug, 2 small bottles of lube, and an array of condoms.
“You know, that thing around your neck isn’t something to joke about. It’s for people in other countries who don’t have the choice. Slavery is NOT something to joke about!”
Hmm I wasn't joking...
With that, she hands me my bags and I get the hell out of there as fast as I can…while dialing M’s cell to let him know what I just went through. He laughs, and at that point, I didn’t find it very funny."
I'll let that speak for itself.Happier Things
I went to the Renegade Craft Fair on Saturday. It was wonderful. Good beer, vegan chili, and delicious vegan ice cream! I bought a really nice bandanna with a gay porn screen print, a cute handmade condom case, a money clip made from recycled scrap metal, hand sewn neon panties, a necklace that says "godless", and a bracelet made from recycled bike tube. Awesome!
After the craft fair I met up with some friends for a Bay Area Derby bout. Some of you may know I'm a retired derby girl, and it was just great to see it again.. Definitely made me think about rejoining, but I figure I have enough intensity and (consensual) abuse in my life right now, haha.
When the game was over, we were kinda drunk and headed to a pizza shop. I didn't know one of the girls we were with very well. She seemed pretty vanilla but was accepting enough of me as a sex worker. After a pitcher at the pizza shop the topic of bestiality came up. I could write for days on this one. I'll simplify the hour long conversation: She couldn't understand how I am vegan but ok with bestiality (animal as the top). Huh? Those things go hand in hand to me. I believe animals should have as equal rights as possible. So, I choose not to eat them and to let them fuck what they want, as long as the bottom is cool with it too. If both (human and animal) enjoy it, why is it wrong? Personally, I have never been with an animal other than human but I have no problems with the idea of it. If an animal is humping, I would say that's consent. However, on the issue of animals bottoming.. that's tricky. How can you tell they're into it? I'm not sure. So I'd stay away from that. Basically, I believe bestiality is something that happens a lot but doesn't get talked about enough. Thoughts?
Hot Shit
From Violet Blue and Fleshbot: Prefmag/ toxicboy
Videos
This is kinda old, but still worth watching. The song is great and has been in my head for days.
Kid Sister and Kanye West- Pro Nails
Mmm... Here's one for the fellow emetophiles out there:
Simian Mobile Disco- Hustler
I really like the concept and style of this video. That's all really.
Pharrell, Julian Casablancas, and Santogold- My Drive Thru
No video, just a fucking great song from Santogold- The Creator
So, this is kinda cheesy, but I like it:
"There is a smile of love,
And there is a smile of deceit,
And there is a smile of smiles
In which these two smiles meet"
-W. Blake
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PAST ENTRIES
11 Aug 2010
SHY
27 Jul 2010
GETTIN GROSS
27 Jul 2010
HERE WE GO AGAIN
27 Aug 2009
USED
18 May 2009
SLEEPY SEX
07 May 2009
PERFECT TIMING
26 Apr 2009
UPDATE/ AUSTRALIA
26 Apr 2009
PROP K ROUNDUP
15 Jul 2008
AND...
09 Jul 2008
SO SO SO
01 Jul 2008
PRIDE W/PICS
16 Jun 2008
TV CASUALTY
05 Jun 2008
HERE AND THERE
22 May 2008
ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT
12 May 2008
CUTE!
09 May 2008
I <3 SF
05 May 2008
COLLARME CREEP
05 May 2008
DUPED!
14 Apr 2008
BIRTHDAY.
01 Apr 2008
WOW, OK
01 Mar 2008
YES, FUCKING SICK.
11 Feb 2008
THE VIRGIN
09 Feb 2008
DEAR GOD
27 Jan 2008
GODDAMN
17 Dec 2007
CATCHING UP
02 Dec 2007
YUM/CK
25 Nov 2007
SORE TODAY
14 Nov 2007
YUMMMMMM
12 Nov 2007
EEK
RSS feed: 
SHY
27 Jul 2010
GETTIN GROSS
27 Jul 2010
HERE WE GO AGAIN
27 Aug 2009
USED
18 May 2009
SLEEPY SEX
07 May 2009
PERFECT TIMING
26 Apr 2009
UPDATE/ AUSTRALIA
26 Apr 2009
PROP K ROUNDUP
15 Jul 2008
AND...
09 Jul 2008
SO SO SO
01 Jul 2008
PRIDE W/PICS
16 Jun 2008
TV CASUALTY
05 Jun 2008
HERE AND THERE
22 May 2008
ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT
12 May 2008
CUTE!
09 May 2008
I <3 SF
05 May 2008
COLLARME CREEP
05 May 2008
DUPED!
14 Apr 2008
BIRTHDAY.
01 Apr 2008
WOW, OK
01 Mar 2008
YES, FUCKING SICK.
11 Feb 2008
THE VIRGIN
09 Feb 2008
DEAR GOD
27 Jan 2008
GODDAMN
17 Dec 2007
CATCHING UP
02 Dec 2007
YUM/CK
25 Nov 2007
SORE TODAY
14 Nov 2007
YUMMMMMM
12 Nov 2007
EEK
